This must have been irresistible to the big companies they approached. Wow, just steal our staff and you could be a leader in callback, international telephone, Internet telephony, the Internet access business. Sure, it might seem a little dirty. But what the hell, business was business. IDT would probably soon be gone anyway, and what an opportunity to combat their own corporate incompetence. Of course, they’d be glad to raid our staff. They’d be instant winners.

It reminds me of a time when I was twelve and a half years old. The phone rang, and when I answered it there was a sexy female disc jockey on the line.

“Congratulations,” she told me. “You’ve been randomly selected to compete for our grand prize. Just identify these three tunes.”

“ ‘Hey Jude,’ ” I screamed out as soon as the first one started to play.

“Right,” she gushed. “Now this one.”

“It’s the Beach Boys’ ‘Surfin’ USA.’ ”

“Incredible,” she screamed. “You still have almost thirty seconds left to identify our third tune and win the grand prize.”

The music started to play. I recognized it. But I just couldn’t get it. I couldn’t place it. What was it? I was in a panic. I could hear the sound effect tick tock, ticking my time away over the phone. I was in a panic.

I screamed out, “Mom, Mom! Quick, get on the extension. Ma, it’s a radio contest. What’s this song?”

“ ‘Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head,’ ” she yelled, just an instant before the disc jockey shouted, “Time’s up.” That was it! My mother had gotten it, under the buzzer.

“Correct,” the disc jockey screamed. “You’ve won the Grand Prize.”

“Ma, Ma, we did it! We won the Grand Prize!” I screamed jubilantly.

The Grand Prize! We were both going nuts over the phone, just like screwy game show contestants. We did it! Dad wasn’t gonna believe this.

“Do you want to know what you won?” the sultry disc jockey now asked. “Yeah, yeah,” we both gasped in unison.

“Well,” she said, “for getting all three tunes, you, Howard Jonas, have won the Grand Prize.” Pause . . . drumroll . . . “A bucket of shit!”