“Broken, the shamass went out into the dark misty afternoon to the bus stop to go home and break the news to his old wife. Nerves, though, created in him an overwhelming need to have a smoke first. Nowhere in the vicinity of the bus stop could a tobacco shop be found. Well, thought the old former shamass, I’ll open a tobacco and sweets shop here on this bus stop to try to scrape by. More than scrape by, though, the stand prospered. So much so that with his excess profits the former shamass was able, over the years, to open more and more stands at other bus stops. As these stands too thrived, the business slowly became an empire and the old Jew needed a barrister to tend to his legal needs.

“Wandering the streets near his old stand, he surveyed the various brass plaques on the buildings before selecting a barrister he felt appropriate for him.

“The senior partner of the selected firm was gratified to receive such a large and prestigious account, all the more so since the principal had only just walked into his office like a common client. ‘What was it,’ he inquired, ‘that made you choose me?’

“ ‘Well,’ the old former shamass replied, ‘I chose you because you were Jewish.’

“ ‘Jewish?’ the old coifed barrister sputtered.

“ ‘Sure,’ said the former shamass. ‘I saw your name on the plaque downstairs, Cohen & Company.’

“ ‘Cowen & Company,’ the barrister hastened to correct. ‘That’s not Cohen & Co., it’s Cowen & Co. I’m not Cohen, I’m Cowen. And I’m not,’ he continued with proper diction, ‘Jewish. I’m Anglican. I’m Anglican,’ he repeated. ‘My father is Anglican and my grandfather Alav HaShalom [Hebrew for may his soul rest in peace] was Anglican.’ ”

This joke usually brings hearty guffaws when told to ethnic Jews who know what siddur, talis, shamass, and most importantly Alav HaShalom mean. It gets an even better response when told to Jews who know the lingo but are “making it” in big professional firms in the gentile world.

Joe Cohen, however, just stood there icily. He clearly wasn’t familiar with the lingo, which I now (digging my grave that much deeper) was trying to explain. I had now not only told him a dumb joke he didn’t understand and assumed an ethnic familiarity he did not reciprocate, but I was insulting him as well by saying I thought everyone knew the expressions with which he was clearly unfamiliar. At this point I was sort of hoping the ground would swallow me up. I could forget about going public. In fact, it would soon be me out on the bus stop. In my mind’s eye, I was peddling hot dogs again rather than tobacco.