But this was just wrong. It sounded strange, I know, but I felt some great principle was being violated. This wasn’t the Soviet Union. The U.S. government can’t just make up a story that someone’s a counterfeiter and throw him in jail. What about the protection of the individual, the Bill of Rights, the Constitution? What about all the army guys who loved the book? I was doing the country a service. This was insane. If I gave in and just quit, then I’d be doing the wrong thing as a citizen. I’d just be agreeing to an injustice. I’d be accepting that the United States wasn’t special; it was just the little guy had no rights like everyone else. How could I live with myself if I just admitted I was a counterfeiter to get out of this?

I’d write the President. And while I’m at it, I’m gonna write my senator and congressman, too. In fact, I’ll call my congressman. Know what? I’ll write every senator and congressman. And I’ll call all their offices. That’ll give the GSA something to think about. Just who the hell do they think they are, anyway, allowing this to happen while they’re supposedly trying to cut the deficit? I’ll let them know how a private company’s being persecuted for trying to give servicemen something for free that the GSA is gouging them for after wasting millions in government money producing it. And while I’m at it, I think I’ll contact the press too.

America came through for me. Several of the senators and congressmen actually sent letters to the GSA asking them to explain their position. Needed it for their investigation, they said. And could the GSA explain why it was charging for the books after using all the taxpayers’ money, anyway? Could this be cause for an investigation?

The GSA turned out not to be that tough, after all. Prison time, counterfeiting, did I really think they meant that? Of course not. They were just quoting from the law. You know how sometimes these junior bureaucrats run amuck and do things on their own. It was a terrible mistake. They’d even send out a second letter rescinding it.

As for the seal of the United States. Well, you know, the law is the law. You guys really shouldn’t have used it. Now that it’s on the record, we have to come up with some way to solve this. We can’t give you authorization to just use the great seal of the United States. You’re not the mint, you know. Maybe you could just destroy all the books and reprint them.

Reprint them all? Are you kidding? What if we just print a sticker and paste it over the great seal? Do you guys own the flag, too? No? You mean if we print a flag it’s not counterfeiting? Okay, good. Just wanted to be sure. Then we’ll agree to print a hundred thousand flag stickers and put them on each book. Yes, we agree to do that. You can just send the release to my lawyer along with the retraction letter and we’ll sign off on it.